Aviation humor

AIRSPEED : Speed of an airplane. Deduct 25% when listening to a retired Air Force pilot.
ALTERNATE AIRPORT: The area directly beyond the active runway when the engine quits on take off
ALTIMETER SETTING: The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden by the control column during a near-minimums instrument approach.
BANK: The folks who hold the mortgage on your aircraft.
CARBURETOR ICING : A phenomenon reported to the FAA by pilots immediately after they run out of gas
"CLEAR": Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.
CONTROL TOWER: A small shack on stilts inhabited by government pensioners who can't hear. When they become blind, they are sent to centres.
CRAB - A VFR Instructor's attitude on an IFR day.
CRITICAL ALTITUDE: Minus six feet.
CRITICAL ENGINE: That part of your airplane which used to be under the cowl, but is now in intensive care at the maintenance shop.
DEAD RECKONING: You reckon correctly, or you are.
DE-ICER: A device designed to operate under all weather conditions, except icing.
DESTINATION:Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot's bladder saturation point
ENGINE FAILURE: A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with low-octane air
FIREWALL: Section of aircraft especially designed to allow all engine heat and smoke to fill the cockpit.
FLIGHT FOLLOWING: Formation flying
GLIDING DISTANCE: Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field
GROSS WEIGHT: Maximum permissible take off weight, plus an extra suitcase, a case of bourbon, rifle, ammo, golf bag, bowling ball, and diving weights.
HOBBS: An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail during dual instruction
HOLDING PATTERN: The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio facility serving a terminal airport.
HYDROPLANE: An airplane designed to land long on a short & wet runway
IFR: A method of flying by needle and horoscope
LANDING FLAP: A 4000' roll out on a 3000' runway.
LEAN MIXTURE: Nonalcoholic beer
PARASITIC DRAG: A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service
ROGER: Used when you're not sure what else to say.
RANGE: Five miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks have become filled with air.
SECTIONAL CHART: Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination
SERVICE CEILING: Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks
SPOILERS: FAA Inspectors
USEFUL LOAD : Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight
VOR - Radio navigation aid, named after the VORtex effect on pilots trying to home in on it
WALKAROUND: What you do when waiting for weather to clear.
YANKEE : Any pilot who has to ask New Orleans tower to "Say again".

---------- Добавлено в 15:58 ---------- Предыдущее сообщение было написано в 15:56 ----------

A typical general aviation flight in USA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwhMNdVpDlE&feature=