2 PBNA-Boosher
I really wish you a good luck to complete this. I really like good compiagns inspirited with an interesting background.
Das_Reich was not very gentle but his points were correct, imho.
I'm just trying to be a little more constructive:
1. "none of us had bathed in many days and nights". Infantry could not have bath for several weeks. But VVS was not an infantry, and usually had quite stable airfield bases with all services. And they were women. IMHO, if you want to point to their hard time "several days" would be enough.
2. I'm reading and seeing crying girls. And I really can't understand what are they doing in the briefing tent?
If you think it is important to say that solders were crying, please, let me know why. There should be a reason.
Single loss in the bombers run- it sounds more like a luck than like a tragedy. Bombers had very, very much losses (I really don't know about night bombers: yes, night TB-3 had not much looses, but Po-2 flights was much more dangerous), and this loss itself just can't be a reason. There should be something more...
I suspect it's important for you (by some scenario reasons) to show how shocked Irina was.
May be it's better to leave other girls really "upset" (I can't find a right word) and keep crying only Irina? Ofcourse, it's necessary to give me (a reader) a hint why she was so shocked. May be Dusya was here best friend (or even you can make them sisters)? Then give me a hint, please! Reason like Irina saw here terrible death with here own eyes is not acually a reason. They were solders. They saw many deaths. More, or even more terrible (there was no less terrible death on war). There should be a reason why soldiers cry. And I can't think of any reason but personal. If other girls were shoked- again, why? Only if they loved here personally and for a long time. Again, please, give my a hint if so.
If your point is that was an only loss for many time- it's fantastic, but again, write it and I'll get your point (but never believe it, however...).
BTW, there also must be a reason for a commander to let such an "inadequate" solder like Irina into mission. If major Bershanskaya was so kind as you write she should at least ask Irina can she fly this night or not, imho...
What about men's suit, this detail is quite realistic for me. But if you want to inspirit your company with a charm, include some redone uniform as usual thing in other briefings, please.
All other moments give me a hope that compaign will be pretty interesting. Thanks.
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